


If He's The One

by Aerithbunny



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OT4, Oneshot, Suicide mention, Threesome - M/M/M, justfenhanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerithbunny/pseuds/Aerithbunny
Summary: A justfenhanders oneshot





	

If He's The One

Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profit from this fanfiction.

Pairing: Justfenhanders ot4

Warnings: Angst, general misunderstandings, lots of feels

 

It was painful watching Garrett and Fenris. Everyone felt they had a connection, yes of course they did. But it didn't stop the pain in Anders' heart.

It wasn't that he was jealous... even if he came across that way. He tried so hard to let go, he tried to just not love Garrett anymore... but it was impossible. His heart still fluttered whenever the hand touched his shoulder, he still could remember the flirting turned his way.

And Garrett was terrible at flirting, really really bad at it, but if he was bad at it, then Anders had to be a novice somehow, because it had all ended in flames. Yet here they were, holding hands and cuddled up together as the game of cards continued on. 

Anders knew he was going to lose all his money again, but he didn't honestly care. If he continued to give Fenris money, then maybe he'd use it to get Hawke something nice. Especially when Anders wound up dead on the pavement somehow. It would either be Meredith or the Chantry explosion, one of those would kill him surely. Hawke wouldn't let him live for such betrayal... he knew that much. 

_“That explains the whole sexy tortured look.”_

Anders forced a smile and called it an early night. Heading back to his clinic in a hurry, he couldn't bear to watch Fenris and Garrett anymore... especially not since...

_“We will not kill apostates for you!”_

_“Don't bring my mother into this!”_

“We'll kill them all! Every last Templar!”

Anders fell to his knees, the tears fell freely... so why, why if Garrett protected the mages, was a champion for them, even if he wasn't a mage... why did he...

_“Would you have me stay with you? Would you tell the world... the knight commander that you love an apostate and you will gladly stand by him?”_

He'd said yes... he'd said he loved Anders. And yet when Anders asked him to help with the Chantry, he'd said yes, he'd tried to coax Anders... he'd said those words.

“I don't want to lose you Anders.”

“What about love?”

Anders had pushed him away, and he'd wound up in the arms of Fenris. Anders had told him he loved Garrett... it wasn't a break up, and yet...

_“Anders, are you leaving?”_

Anders had looked back at Garrett and said. “I can't drag you down with me...” the words barely escaped his lips, trembling as he was on his knees in Darktown, tears falling freely.

Those were the last real words he'd said to Garrett before the rogue got back together with Fenris. Fenris, who had left Garrett after one night of passion years ago. Fenris, who hated mages, hated everything Garrett and Anders stood for.

And yet... even if he was with Fenris, Garrett was not any less passionate about helping the mages here in Kirkwall. Anders could remember clearly Garrett flirting with them both. 

_“Sounds like a waste of a perfectly handsome elf.”_

It wasn't difficult to see that Garrett had always been torn between Fenris and Anders. They both held his affections, they both loved him, and he loved both of them.

And it hurt... it hurt that Anders had lost him, that he was alone now. It didn't hurt that he was with Fenris, it hurt that Anders loved him... and that Garrett loved Anders... but that Anders had pushed him away.

He knew why, of course he knew why. He couldn't drag Hawke down with him. And yet... three years, three years together and Anders had thrown it away for his purpose, to free the mages of Kirkwall. 

He stood up wobbily, wiping away the tears. He walked back to his clinic and sighed, laying on his bed and slowly falling asleep, alone.

-0-0-0-

Garrett sighed as he looked at the bed again, Fenris near his side. “Do you think he is alright?” Fenris asked.

Garrett shook his head. “I know... I shouldn't leave it like this. He's probably down there, crying alone.” Garrett said.

Fenris frowned. “He doesn't fight for you... why?” Fenris asked.

“Because he gives his everything for those he loves, and nothing for himself.” Garrett said.

Fenris sighed and moved back from Garrett. “I love you Hawke, I do... but this isn't right.” Fenris said.

“I know... I feel it too, but what do we do?” Garrett asked.

Fenris sighed. “This is my fault... he and I have always fought.” spoke the elf.

Garrett frowned and looked at Fenris. “What do you mean? I mean, you and I have argued too.” he said.

“Yes but nothing like me and him.” Fenris replied.

“Well that's true.” Garrett said.

“He even helped me kill Danarius.” Fenris said.

“He did, even if he asked you not to blame all mages for the misdeeds of one. I don't blame them all, not even regular blood mages, not for my mother at least.” Garrett said.

Fenris looked at Garrett. “How do you do it though? Separate your emotions from this problem?” he asked.

Garrett looked at Fenris. “I love him.” Garrett said.

Fenris frowned. “Oh?” he asked.

“Loving Anders, was easy for me. Letting him go... has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Even if I love you, even if you came back... I love Anders too. And loving Anders, I love everything he is. I love how passionate he is, how much he fights for the downtrodden. He wants to free his people Fenris, and over here... it isn't like Tevinter, the what if's don't outweigh what actually is over here.” Garrett said.

Fenris gave a thoughtful nod. “And me?” he asked.

“I love you too, you're a little more grumpy about things, and you can't always fight, but that's ok. I enjoy your softness beneath the harsh outside. I like how cute you can be when you're flirted with, and how much you enjoy the simple things in life. You just want freedom, you don't want to be bothered with saving others but... Anders isn't like you in that respect Fenris.” Garrett said.

Fenris thought about it. “What if... after they are free, the mages do become like Tevinter?” Fenris asked.

“Then Anders will stop them, as will I.” Garrett said.

“You're only two men.” Fenris said.

“Not exactly. You see, what Anders is... is something more than a man. You can say it's Justice, who I was with by the way. I wonder how my spirit is... probably very distraught at all of this. Or you can say it's because Anders is the sun that burns for mages freedom. Merrill said he burns like a sun, but no... he is their sun. He is the rising phoenix from the ashes of despair to set them free, even if he burns up in the process.” Garrett said.

Fenris gave a thoughtful look. “So... Anders would fight for my freedom even if it was mages enslaving me?” he asked.

“He already has. We fight slavers all the time Fenris, we kill them.” Garrett said.

Fenris sighed. “So... this is my fault?” he asked.

“This isn't... Anders pushed me away, he's going to do something drastic. I'm worried he's going to get himself killed.” Garrett said.

“So what do you love most about him?” Fenris asked.

Garrett looked at Fenris. “Everything.” he said.

“Everything?” Fenris asked.

“Anders is... he's passionate, sometimes a little overboard, and he's an idea, a spirit, a man... there's so much to him.” Garrett said.

“You never thought he was too much, or me.” Fenris replied. 

“I would never think that. You're both amazing in your own ways.” Garrett replied.

Fenris smiled a little. “The way you talk about him... it makes me think, maybe I've been wrong about him.” Fenris said softly.

Garrett let out a shaky sigh. “You have, but I gave up trying to have you two get along.” Garrett replied.

Fenris frowned and Hawke moved to lay in bed. Fenris got ready and went to sleep next to Garrett.

-0-0-0-

Fenris woke early, as early as he could stand anyway. He was an elf on a mission, and he went down to the clinic early. Anders was of course healing a lot of people at these early hours. His manifesto was completed and in an envelope on the busted desk as the black feathered mage moved to heal a woman.

Fenris watched silent, Anders healed elves, healed men, healed women. He helped a few mages escape through the underground here or there, but with so many now tranquil or dead... he was losing hope. The look in his eyes... it was as if he hadn't slept.

Anders was everything, always everything... never nothing. He was an idea, a man, a spirit, and everything else. It was as if Fenris was finally seeing him for the first time in those moments as he watched silently, hiding away to see the mage.

Anders was the one bright light in Kirkwall, Hawke just fanned the flames of the fire that burned in the mage. Anders who laughed, who cried, who shouted. Anders... the phoenix of Kirkwall, always burning from the ashes of nothing, finding hope in nothing... and Fenris, he felt the pull.

Fenris had been ice, frozen over from his anguish and anger of his past. Ice met fire... and it couldn't have been a worse meeting. But maybe... fire didn't want to burn ice, or destroy it... but rather to understand it, to make something together, as at least friends.

The elf suddenly felt so foolish, so stupid... what had he and Anders fought about that was so important anyway? Fenris' fears? Anders only trying to understand and help... a cat and a dog, both abused before... both angry and hurt... maybe they should have tried to speak, before they lashed out and hurt each other.

Fenris didn't realize when the tears started falling, but suddenly he looked up and Anders was looking at him with shock in his eyes.

“Fenris... is... is something wrong?” Anders asked.

Fenris turned and ran, he ran as fast as he could. The tears wouldn't stop falling, but he heard foot steps behind him. Stopping, he dropped to his knees as he was on the outskirts of Kirkwall.

Anders stopped behind him, panting heavily. Anders reached out... 

Fenris sobbed as Anders touched his shoulder. Even now.. Anders was reaching for him. Would he turn and reject the mage again? Would he hurt him again? Would he in turn... also hurt himself? Were they doomed to be this forever? 

Yet... Anders squeezed his shoulder, even now he was reaching out to Fenris, he was trying even now. Sure, they had both reached sometimes, and every time, the other just rejected it. 

“Is this all we are?” Fenris asked, voice cracking.

Anders frowned. “Is what all we are?” he asked.

Fenris stood up and faced Anders with hard eyes, tears in them. “Rivals.” he replied.

Anders looked perplexed. “I don't know what you mean Fenris.” he said.

“Yes you do! We've always hated each other, always drove the other away... always... fought.” Fenris said.

Anders looked away from Fenris. “I didn't mean for it to get this bad.” he said softly.

Fenris folded his arms across his chest. “Do you hate me?” he asked.

Anders laughed bitterly and shook his head. “No, I don't.” he said.

“Why not?” Fenris asked.

“Because you don't deserve my hatred.” Anders replied.

“Yes I do.” Fenris said.

“No, you don't... but, please, don't argue with me about this. What is this about Fenris?” Anders asked.

Fenris looked down. “You're right... the mages here aren't like the ones in Tevinter... and I... I realize now, what I have said... and I...” he began to say.

There was a hand on Fenris' forehead, the hand of the healer. “Are you running a fever?” Anders asked.

Fenris looked at Anders, the tears still staining his cheeks, but he smiled a little, a slightly shy small smile. “No, I am not... and you are still foolish to interrupt a moment like this.” he said.

Anders sighed and moved his hand down. “I'm sorry too... for the way... for everything.” he said.

“You are everything.” Fenris replied.

Anders looked perplexed. “Ok now you're really not making sense.” the mage replied.

“You are everything, you do so much... you're everything, and never nothing. You're too much, all the time... and I... I never knew how to handle it. But the way Hawke speaks of you...” Fenris said.

There was an anguish unlike anything Fenris had ever seen briefly in those amber eyes that looked at him. But it was quickly covered up by a strong resolve to not show his emotions. And all Fenris could think... was that he couldn't bare to see such pain in those eyes. The eyes that belonged to the man that would have given his very soul for this city, for those that did not deserve it... the eyes that held passion and fire... to see that fire turn black, to smoke out... to be drowned in anguish and pain. Fenris knew... in that moment he knew, he had to fix this somehow.

“I'm sorry...” Fenris said softly.

Anders managed to let out a small strained chuckle. “It's ok.” he said softly.

“No, it really isn't.” Fenris replied.

Anders frowned, but the elf turned to leave. He needed to think, he needed to know... to realize what this was, and why... those amber eyes haunted him from that brief moment Anders let his walls down around Fenris. 

-0-0-0-

Was it because it was the first time Anders had ever let down his guard around Fenris? Was it because it was the first time Fenris had ever seen the mage's soul? Was it because of how Hawke spoke of him... really matched him? Anders was the fire of freedom burning in a city of slaves and destitution. 

But what was Fenris? Fenris wasn't Anders, he wasn't everything and more... he was just Fenris. Why did Garrett love them the same?

Why did Garrett flirt with them both, date them both? He had to know, so he could know why those golden pools looked at him with such pain. 

He went to find Garrett and walked up, kissing him on the lips. Hawke had turned to speak but leaned into the kiss, still in bed. He blinked and looked at Fenris with confusion.

“Fenris?” he asked.

“Why do you date me and him?” Fenris asked.

Garrett frowned and sat up. “Because I love you both.” he said.

“But why did you let him leave?” Fenris asked.

“I didn't have much choice... he pushed me away.” Garrett said.

“What if he hadn't? Would you have still gotten back with me?” Fenris asked.

“I would have asked him what he wanted.” Garrett admit.

“And what if I hadn't left that night? Would you have stayed with me?” Fenris asked.

“Of course I would have.” Garrett said.

Fenris frowned. “Why? If he is everything... then what am I?” asked Fenris.

Garrett sighed. “Anders is extra, he's always been very extra. But you are too, in your own ways. You needed me just as much as him, you were extra but not for all, just for yourself. You're everything in your own way Fenris.” Garrett replied.

Fenris thought about it and sighed. “I... went to see him.” he said.

Garrett looked even more perplexed. “And?” he asked.

“I apologized to him... and the look he gave me... Hawke, I'm worried about him.” Fenris said.

Garrett moved to get up, looking fairly shocked. “Wait... you apologized? YOU apologized to Anders?” he asked in shock.

Fenris blushed. “Yes.” he said awkwardly.

Garrett pinched himself. “I'm dreaming right? After years of trying to get you two to get along... you now do this?” he asked.

Fenris moved his hands to Garrett's arms and looked up at him with those green puppy dog eyes.

“Garrett... I'm afraid, not just for him, but for us. I think we made a terrible mistake.” he said.

“What mistake?” Garrett asked, voice tight.

“I think we made him feel alienated... alone, and lost. I think... he's going to die if we don't do something to save him.” Fenris said.

Garrett frowned. “What do you propose?” he asked.

Fenris closed his eyes and leaned into Garrett's chest. “I propose we fight for him. You fought for me, you a man... a rogue, a warrior of sorts fought for me and for him. It's time I fought, not just for myself, not just against my oppression... but for more.” Fenris said.

“Fenris... you've killed slavers with us.” Garrett said.

“Yes I know, but never with purpose, never truly fighting them at every corner. I don't know why I didn't see it before... but I, I need to fight for the enslaved here, for the mages, for the elves. Anders was always trying to reach to me for help... and I always rejected him. He doesn't deserve that, and his eyes told me today... that he doesn't deserve that.” Fenris said.

“Fenris... there's a lot you need to know about the Circles.” Garrett told the elf.

Fenris looked at him. “Tell me.” he said.

Garrett began to tell Fenris about the beatings, the whippings, the abuses of power. All the tranquil.. what tranquility really was, about the Templar power structure. He told Fenris everything Anders had ever told him about all of this.

By the end of what Garrett told Fenris, the elf was shaking in anger, and he looked up at Garrett. “Was Anders ever...?” he asked.

Garrett looked away. “Ever what?” he asked softly.

“Was he raped? Like I was by Danarius? Did they do that to him?” Fenris asked.

Garrett bit his lip, which said it all. Fenris could only picture Anders alone in the cell, solitary confinement... broken and hurt. The scars that probably lined his back that would match Fenris' scars, the crying alone.. with no one there to hold him.

“Tell me... does he have my scars?” Fenris asked, his voice shaking.

Garrett looked at Fenris and sighed. “He has many scars, but I found him beautiful, just as I find you beautiful. I can't possibly know what either of you has been through... I've never experienced it. I do know I love you both, and I want to prevent the pain from happening again.” he said.

“How could I have been so stupid... I've been abusing him for years. Saying all those things I said... and not knowing the depth of what I was defending. My fears... his own fears... how could I let this happen?” Fenris said.

“I tried to tell you both... I tried to stop you both, but what was I supposed to say? You both needed to vent.” Garrett said.

“Not like this... not like that, I need to fix this.” Fenris said.

Garrett sighed. “How?” he asked.

Fenris looked at Garrett with clear green eyes. “I need you to trust me.” he said.

Garrett smiled a little. “I do trust you Fenris.” he said softly.

The elf gave a nod and quickly left down the clinic. Anders was there, cleaning up from the day he'd had. He was eating a meager stew, probably mostly water and scraps from bones, and it was cold that night.

-0-0-0-

For as long as Anders could remember... he loved and couldn't stop loving. It was too much, always too much, too much fire, too much passion... too much anxiety, and it would eventually drive others away or get them killed.

After Karl... he'd fallen in love with Garrett, and he'd felt so loved by Garrett that he had worried... panicked, and pushed him away. Why? Because he could remember what it felt like, to have Karl die by his hand.

He remembered the grave that they lowered into the ground on Sundermount in secret. His tears that had fallen, while everyone else stood silent and solemn. Anders had lost a part of himself that day, and he would never have it back.

So when Fenris looked at him in his clinic that night, he was confused as to why it felt like something was finally healing. This wasn't Karl... but the look between these two, their eyes upon each other. The air around them was haunted, stagnant, destroyed. 

“Fenris I...” Anders moved to speak first.

Fenris sighed. “Why didn't you ever tell me?” he asked.

“Tell you what?” Anders asked.

“That you didn't want to fight with me.” Fenris said.

Anders looked at the ground. “Because Tevinter hurt you, and you needed to say how you felt.” Anders said.

Fenris scoffed. “Maybe, but I shouldn't have been allowed to not listen to you about your abuse.” Fenris said.

“But you were hurt too.” Anders said.

Fenris reached forward and put a hand on Anders' cheek, looking at him with emerald eyes. “How many times did they beat you? Whip you? Rape you?” Fenris asked.

Anders' eyes went wide, golden depths filled with memories of pain. How many times had Anders avoided thinking about it? How many times had he convinced himself that he wasn't a victim because he wasn't tranquil? How many times had Anders told himself that other had it worse and he had to save them?

And there it was... one had reacted and accepted that he was a victim, and tried to solve his own pain through revenge. And the other had denied that he was a victim and rather tried to save all the other victims around himself. Fenris and Anders were two sides of the same coin. 

“Tell me, please.” Fenris whispered.

“I can't.” Anders choked out.

“Why not?” Fenris asked.

“You can't be kind to me... please.” Anders whispered.

“Why not?” Fenris asked.

Because underneath all the pain that Fenris and Anders had toward each other, there was a greater pain, the pain of need of each other. Anders knew it years ago, that if Fenris was ever kind to him... that they had chemistry. How long had it been that instead of falling into hate they were actually falling in love? How much denial had been passed between them? 

“Because I don't deserve it.” Anders said, looking away from Fenris.

“Why?” Fenris asked.

“I can't save them.” Anders whispered.

Fenris looked confused. “What do you mean you can't save them?” he asked.

“I've tried everything! I've done everything I can and Meredith still has power! No matter how much we fight, or scream, or try... she still has power.” Anders said.

“But you don't stop fighting.” Fenris said.

Anders smiled a bitter smile. “And I only hope, the last thing I've set in motion saves them. But it could just as easily condemn them.” Anders said.

Fenris looked at Anders, that desperation... that pain, while Garrett understood it and supported Anders, Fenris understood it and felt it. Neither was the better option, but for Fenris it was too much. That love beneath the pain, that love and want... desire, need of each other, because they were both so broken, it flooded forth. Fenris couldn't stop it, now that he knew Anders wasn't wrong, but that he wasn't wrong either for feeling pain. He needed to heal with Anders, and so... his hands moved quick as lightning so he could grab Anders by his coat and lean in, kissing him deeply on the lips.

In that moment, time stood still as the pain culminated into long pushed down longing, into need, and so much more. Their lips pressed together in a dangerous dance, dangerous for them both because they both knew it then, that they needed the other like air. 

Anders pushed back first and looked at Fenris with the eyes that said 'please don't, I don't think this will work... I will only take you down with me.' 

“You won't destroy me Anders.” Fenris whispered.

Anders laughed bitterly. “What makes you say that?” he asked.

“Because I felt I would do the same to Hawke... it's why you ran, why I ran... why we've both been on the run for so long. Garrett knew he had to let you run, even if it hurt him. But what you didn't count on, is that I will chase.” Fenris said.

“I'm not worth the chase Fenris... you're in danger if you're with me.” Anders said.

Fenris sighed and closed his eyes. “I thought that as well... with Danarius.” he said.

“Danarius is dead Fenris, you're free. Even if other slavers come after you, you are free to kill them. But the Templars are everywhere, and they don't care if you're a mage or not, they will harm you for helping an apostate.” Anders said softly.

“Then why did you ask me to tell the world, that I would love an apostate and stand by him?” Garrett asked as he spotted them.

Anders looked up at Garrett and sighed shakily. “Please don't make this harder than it has to be.” he said, tears were starting to fall.

“Don't you see it?” Fenris asked.

Anders looked at Fenris. “See what?” he asked.

“We don't care what you've done Anders, or what will happen... we love you.” Garrett said.

Anders let out a choked sob and shook his head. “It's better that you're both together without me... please.” he said.

Garrett reached out and in that moment Anders wanted to run... he had to run, and yet...

He remembered Karl, and how much he wished he'd never ran, even if it meant his death. How he wished he could have saved Karl, and his heart... he couldn't bare the loneliness any longer. So he let Garrett pull him close, and let Fenris wrap his arms around them both... and he let himself feel loved and warm, if only for this moment. As in the next few days, he would lose it all.

-0-0-0-

That night, Anders made love to them both. He gave them everything, he loved openly, deeply, and happily. Justice came forth and got to know Fenris some, even if they lay naked together, the spirit spoke to the elf about not wishing to frighten him, about understanding him trauma and wishing for true justice for them all. Garrett was just happy to have his spirit and mage back. 

But when the Chantry exploded, Anders stood his ground, said what he had to say. He didn't dare look at Fenris or Garrett's faces, for fear of the pain he would find there. He was brave, but he was a coward... he couldn't face the pain he most likely caused them, but he had to stand up for his people, even if it meant his death.

And yet, instead of a knife in the back, all that met Anders were arms wrapped around him. Were soothing words, understanding, and worry. And after the brief hold, Fenris and Garrett looked to Anders and said. “Come with us.”

And Anders began to really feel foolish, that all of his self imposed exile, all of his former pain over Garrett and Fenris had been misplaced. He of course said he would go with them to defend the mages, to protect and save them. A brief small smile from Fenris, a reassuring smile from Garrett... and Anders realized. “If he's the one then let me go... but if we're both the ones, then take us home.” he whispered as he followed Garrett to the Gallows.

 

Author: thanks for reading, this just came to me so well, hope you all liked it

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me while listening to a song and trying to be able to write again sooo....


End file.
